Getting a Clearer Perspective The Hard Way
Hello. I've gotten some disturbing news today. A "friend" (it's not in my immediate family, and the identity is not important at this time) had to be rushed to the hospital last night. Apparently domestic issues triggered an attempted suicide. Fortunately it was unsuccessful.
I know what it's like to experience domestic abuse. My father did what would now be called "verbal abuse" to all 3 of us. It was not pleasant. He was never physically abusive. In a way, that made it worse. I could've rationalized it easier. I could've then said for sure that he hated me.
I've come to learn my father's outbursts were due to insecurity. It's helped me overcome the low self-esteem I developed. Of course moving out after I graduated from university helped too.
The more I think of it, the more I realize I would've been suicidal if I was a woman and the abuser was my husband, like this new situation is. It's easy for someone to say she should just leave him, but after decades of being a wife and mother, does she know any other way? Both of them think their relationship is the same as everyone else's, when it's painfully obvious to everyone close to them that it isnt.
I'll give the abuser the benefit of the doubt that he hasn't been physically abusive. However, he is a physical threat, and verbally abusive to everyone I know, including me. And yes, like my father, he's insecure.
Fortunately, I know someone is watching the situation closely. It gives me time to calm down.
What am I going to do? I'm going to ask the woman if it's okay if I can send some verbal insults and/or some fists her way. I'm sure she'll respond the way you probably did, which is no way. I'll then ask why not. Hopefully she'll say because she doesn't deserve it. Then I'll ask her why her husband thinks she does deserve it.
I'm also going to ask the husband what his reasons for being insecure are. I'm sure he'll have a surprised reaction. Maybe it will start the ball rolling on a constructive conversation. Then again, maybe not.
If you have some other advice for me or this couple, please feel free to share it. And thanks from all of us.
Regards,
Steve
I know what it's like to experience domestic abuse. My father did what would now be called "verbal abuse" to all 3 of us. It was not pleasant. He was never physically abusive. In a way, that made it worse. I could've rationalized it easier. I could've then said for sure that he hated me.
I've come to learn my father's outbursts were due to insecurity. It's helped me overcome the low self-esteem I developed. Of course moving out after I graduated from university helped too.
The more I think of it, the more I realize I would've been suicidal if I was a woman and the abuser was my husband, like this new situation is. It's easy for someone to say she should just leave him, but after decades of being a wife and mother, does she know any other way? Both of them think their relationship is the same as everyone else's, when it's painfully obvious to everyone close to them that it isnt.
I'll give the abuser the benefit of the doubt that he hasn't been physically abusive. However, he is a physical threat, and verbally abusive to everyone I know, including me. And yes, like my father, he's insecure.
Fortunately, I know someone is watching the situation closely. It gives me time to calm down.
What am I going to do? I'm going to ask the woman if it's okay if I can send some verbal insults and/or some fists her way. I'm sure she'll respond the way you probably did, which is no way. I'll then ask why not. Hopefully she'll say because she doesn't deserve it. Then I'll ask her why her husband thinks she does deserve it.
I'm also going to ask the husband what his reasons for being insecure are. I'm sure he'll have a surprised reaction. Maybe it will start the ball rolling on a constructive conversation. Then again, maybe not.
If you have some other advice for me or this couple, please feel free to share it. And thanks from all of us.
Regards,
Steve
posted by Irrelevant at 1:23 PM
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